Sunday, February 26, 2012

He-Whose-Name-is-Yet-to-be-Known

We all have this picture of an ideal man (or woman) in our minds, the kind of person you're thinking of spending forever with. Some people look at a particular person and go, "oh, this one is my ideal man!" Some people have a list of attributes that they like. However, some people don't want to idealize the person they want to end up with and simply wait for whoever will come.

I've thought about who I'd want to spend forever with countless times. I've thought of him since I was a little girl. I thought of him through high school, college, and until now. I've thought of him a lot and I've come up with a list of things that have been changing constantly: from someone who will be able to put up with my crying spells to someone who will know what to cook for me when i am sad, to someone who will know what kind of music to play when i am lonely, and other things like that. The list has been revised more times than i can count, and it is pretty tiring to think sometimes.

I'd also realized that my forever could be someone I already know, but i am not aware that it is he who God has been molding all these years. It could be a neighbor, a classmate, an acquaintance, a former friend, or even somebody i don't know. It could be anybody, and i guess it's part of what makes waiting exciting.

So here is my list; the latest one, at least. He-whose-name-is-yet-to-be-known, I hope I find you to be all of these things and more. If you get to read this, please know I have been praying for you, not only as my future, but as an individual. I have been praying that you open yourself up to God and let Him mold you and transform you into the kind of person He wants you to be. I have been praying that you find God in every single day of your life, that you grow in His Word and into His image. And I pray that you have been praying for me, too :)

HE-WHOSE-NAME-IS-YET-TO-BE-KNOWN...

...loves God first. And that's why he loves me and our kids so much.

...will be a physician  He will know what i am talking about when i come home and start rambling about glands and howell-jolly bodies and squamous epithelia.

...will be someone i can be partners with. Not just friends or lovers, but partners: in decisions, in laughter, in sorrow, in tears, in pain.

...will be someone i can work with, be it in the hospital, at home, or in the ministry.

...is a servant! He works for no master but God. Everything he does, even his practice, is for God and His kingdom.

...has arms that are strong enough to carry sacks of cement but gentle enough to hold me.

...has hands that are handy with a hammer, but dexterous with a pen.

...loves music and worships with it.

...is a worshiper! We will please God together and raise a family of worshipers.

...is a man who knows how to pray and to seek God's answers. he reads God's word and is not afraid to share it. He will pray with me for our relationship, our family, our children, our friends, and our parents and siblings.

...is beautiful enough that i will never get tired of looking at him in the morning.

...knows the value of spoken words and of action, of touch and of time, of giving and receiving.

...prayed for me.

...is someone i can laugh loudly with. He will love many of the things i love and can be silly with me.

...can be both a realist and a romantic.

...will appreciate advice from Godly people.

...will love me for who i am, and will love my family and my friends as well.

...will love Los Baños and let me practice medicine there, too.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

tag-ulan

there is something very beautiful about the rain. i have no idea if it lies in the single drops of water falling by themselves from a home we cannot touch, or if it is in the grandiose display of light-bending droplets showering a large expanse of earth in a single moment, in the arrest of which you would find different droplets at different levels of falling. Or maybe the beauty lies in the mystery of where the water came from; in how the water falling where we are could have come from a source more than a hundred miles from where it eventually falls.

or maybe the beauty in rain is in not knowing what makes it beautiful, and yet knowing everything at the same time.

i reserve a soft spot in my heart for frolicking in the rain. a certain joy washes over me as i step into the cold shower fully clothed and fully consenting, without a care as to whether people around will perceive me as a lunatic or retarded or simply crazy. why would i care what they thought of me? why would i care if they saw a developmentally regressing person, when i know that the child-like wonder arises from deep within because of the literal washing the rain brings? why would i care if they saw the unsightly curves that spring out from beneath the water-soaked shirt and shorts, when i know that the body that they see is still just the surface of the reality that is concealed beneath the layers of walls i have managed to put up, both voluntarily and involuntarily?

i do not walk around in the rain to make people notice. i bask in the cold slaps of water on my face because it reminds me that my God can embrace me physically. as the water drenches my skin and hair and clothes, i am awed at how God can drench our entire selves so very completely that we could be wrung out and His Spirit would overflow.

the rain reminds me.

sino nga naman ba ang hindi mapapasayaw niyan sa ulan? :)

Monday, January 23, 2012

Reviewing the 2009 Wishlist

Narealize kong hindi ako nakagawa ng wishlist nung 2010 at 2011. However, despite the lack of wishlists, I would love to also realize how God has been blessing me throughout the years. 2012 na ngayon, so I have had 2 years and 1 month to have the 2009 wishlist fulfilled. Let's take a walk through the stuff..

1) arm band for iPod touch
--- i never did get to buy one. however, i did get to buy an armband for my iphone. so wala akong reklamo :)

2) yung orange leather-bound Bible na may kasamang free journal sa PCBS
--- i didn't get the orange leather-bound Bible, kahit in love na in love talaga ako sa kaniya. however, i did get the women's devotional study Bible. and i did get a lot of new notebooks. so... no reason to complain. at. all. :)

3) spacepen or parker jotter na black or green ang casing
--- i have my ninang kata to thank for a black parker sign pen and schuck for my black parker jotter. awesome!

4) nike + shoes in yellow green
--- nope, wala parin nike + shoes. but i do have a pair of running shoes that i get to use. :)

5) planner
--- so... hindi notebook-sized ang planner ko. i got a small one from papemelroti, and it's just perfect <3

6) cd ng albertine, paramore albums and demi lovato
--- although i know that piracy is bad (sorry po talaga, Lord) i downloaded these albums. and yes, i love them.

7) yung experiencing God devotional
--- never got it. but i have my Bible and ODJ devotional, so iz all gewd.

8) acoustic/electric guitar
--- no such luck here, either. still praying for it and saving up!

9) sketchpad and staedtler or faber castell pencils
--- thank you, pol and ate niki for the staedtler pencils <3

10) malaking mahabang unan
--- nope. but i love my pillows sa apartment, so i'm still gewd

11) booklight
--- may lampshade na ako sa aking kama :)

12) cardigan
--- YEHEY for box clothes!

13) cello or bass guitar lessons
--- after ng med, sabi ni nanay. YESSSSSS.

14) flowers
--- wala pa...

15) water jug
--- YES!!! thank you atetam!

16) shoulder bag na pwedeng paglagyan ng 15.3" laptop
--- i have realized that shoulder bags are impractical. my parents bought me a backpack and i LOVEZ et.

17) Ray Ban aviator sunglasses (or the cheapangga version)
--- la pa. pero ok lang, may mga ibang sunglasses naman dito samin :)

18) yung makabagong highlighter ng dongA
--- yes! thank you to hatchiitagirls for this!

19) arsenal football jersey
--- 85 pesos sa ukay. OH YEAH.

****

so i find myself in awe of how God has fulfilled so many of these things and also how He's changed my attitude about not getting what i want. God has taught me that sometimes the best things for us are not what we exactly want, but are things that we might not like at first but are (in reality) almost tailor-made for us.

i guess more than anything in my wishlist, God's best gift for me is a changed heart. and nothing can ever beat that :)

Thursday, August 4, 2011

what you do to me

So i've been in med school now for... 22 months. my 23rd month is coming along right now. and i must say that i have never been more tired in my life.

How tired, you ask.

Tired enough to forget about brushing my teeth. Tired enough to forget about dinner despite the numerous protests my stomach acids and pancreatic enzymes manage to churn out to me. Tired enough to fall asleep in my blouse-and-skirt uniform, bar pin and all. Tired enough to want to scream my head off, as loudly as i can, in hopes that someone from home will come to rescue me. Tired enough to forget to drink water. Tired enough to not take out my contact lenses.

Tired enough to forget to read my Bible at night.

Back in college, I thought med school would be a place of endless epiphanies, jaw-dropping moments, cool and exciting people, and physicians who could teach us so much in just 25 slides. However, my first year alone was testament to how very very long a lecture could become. Never in my life had I imagined a lecture as long as 275 slides. Never in my wildest dreams did i think that the epiphanies would come after the questions had been asked and the wrong answers given (by me, of course). Never in that idealistic-undergraduate mind did it ever occur that med school was not an intellectual haven but, instead, a mind-bending battlefield.

Exam week is always a testament to the limits our little academic brains can touch. Yes, touch, not break, because we find ourselves broken by the limits instead. Numerous products have been tested that would enhance our wakefulness and memories. Different techniques of studying have been tried, used, and sent back to the drawing board. Countless books, transcriptions and notes have been read and thrown up in the air out of sheer exhaustion. And, not surprisingly, so many coffee shops have been discovered and frequented just to escape that universal tempter we know as THE BED.

I have found myself numerous times screaming at myself in my head. HERE YOU GO! HERE'S MED SCHOOL FOR YOU! ARE YOU HAVING A GREAT TIME? IS THIS WHAT YOU REALLY WANTED?

And, just as frequently as I ask myself those questions, I close my eyes and go back to one of those things med school has made me too tired to do.

I read my Bible.
And I pray and just pour my heart out to my Lord.
Am I still i the right place? Is this where I should be? Or did I just force my way here?

And I imagine God smiling a knowing smile at me, hitting the back of my head gently and then taking me into His arms.

"You know very well, My child, that the things that are happening shall pass soon. This is just a phase, just like the journey of life you're taking as you make your way to Me. For I know the plans I have for You! And these plans are not to harm you. They are to prosper you, and to give you a future and a hope. So don't forget that whenever you feel like giving up, give yourself up to me. Come to Me if you are weak and heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

And I find myself smiling back silently.

Yes, God, I give You me.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

from ching's tumblr

Bold the ones that are true for you.

I am a morning person.

I am a perfectionist.

I am an only child.

I am Catholic.

I am currently in my PJs.

I am currently pregnant.

I am currently suffering from a broken heart.

I am left handed. 

I am married.

I am addicted to MySpace.

I’m shy around the opposite sex.

I bite my nails.

I currently regret something I have done.

When I get mad I curse.

I don’t like anyone.

I enjoy country music.

I enjoy jazz music.

I have a car.

I have a cell phone.

I have a pet.

I have been to another country.

I have been told that I’m smart.

I have been told I have an unusual sense of humor.

I have changed a lot over the past year.

I have had surgery.

I have killed another person.

I have had my hair cut within the last week.

I have had the cops called on me.

I have kissed someone I knew I shouldn’t.

I have kissed someone of the same gender.

I have mood swings.

I have rejected someone before.

I like Shakespeare.

I love to cook.

I love Michael Jackson.

I love sleeping.

I love to shop.

I miss someone right now.

I own over 100 CDs.

I own over 100 DVDs.

I own a library card.

I practice a religion that is not considered mainstream.

I read books for pleasure in my spare time.

I sleep a lot during the day.

I strongly dislike math.

I think Britney Spears is pretty.

I will try ALMOST anything once.

I would classify my self as ghetto.

I can name all seven dwarfs from Snow White.

I am currently wearing socks.

I am tired.

I am currently waiting for someone.

I lost contact with someone.

I hate Miley Cyrus.

I think Party In The USA is catchy.

I’d date Harry Potter.

I can name all the past presidents of the United States.

I know who was president before George Bush.

I love pickles.

I need the internet to live.

I prefer vanilla over chocolate.

I watched Star Trek.

I watched all six movies of Star Wars.

I own an Xbox.

I think music is life. 

Music (Bold the ones you like)

Acceptance. Coldplay. Dave Matthews Band. David Bowie. Foo Fighters. Hellogoodbye. The Killers. James Blunt. Teddy Geiger. Linkin Park. Muse. Ok Go. Panic! At The Disco. Peter Bjorn. The Postal Service. Timbaland. Jack Johnson. Norah Jones. Drake.The Fray. The Wreckers. Michael Bublé. Beyoncé. Metallica. Massive Attack. Journey. The Cars. Supertramp. Eurythmics. Sublime. The Red Hot Chili Peppers. Wu-tang Clan. Fergie .Sarah McLachlan. Band of Horses. John Mayer. Jason Mraz.Justin Timberlake. Michael Jackson. Kenny Chesney. Carrie Underwood. Lynyrd Skynyrd. Neil Young. The Beatles. Brad Paisley. Tim McGrawTaylor Swift. P. Diddy. Jay Z. Lil’ Wayne. Lil’ Jon. Three 6 Mafia. Nelly. Young Joc. T.I. Sean Paul. 50 Cent. Eminem. Eiffel 65. Ace of Base. The Underdog Project. Dream Theater. SantanaAlicia Keys. Incubus. Victor Wooten. Ludacris. Gorillaz.Matchbox 20. Paramore. Say Anything. Taking Back Sunday. Eric Clapton. The Darkness. Weezer. Eagles. Jimi Hendrix. Maroon 5. Billy Joel. Reel Big Fish. Anberlin. MaeFamily Force 5. AC/DC. Hootie and the Blowfish. Electric Six. Outkast. R.E.M. The White Stripes. Prince. Mika. Crystal Castles. Britney Spears. Spice Girls. The Gossip. Lady GaGa. Nirvana. Smashing Pumpkins. Third Eye Blind. Metro Station. All Time Low. Motion City Soundtrack. The Rocket Summer. Tenacious D. Something Corporate. The Moldy Peaches. Macy GrayMandy Moore. Plain White T’s. Yeah Yeah Yeahs. My Chemical Romance. Fall Out Boy. We the Kings. The Rolling Stones. Angels & Airwaves. The Beastie Boys. Black Eyed Peas. Boys Like Girls. Jonas Brothers. Demi Lovato. Selena Gomez. The Cure. Cobra Starship. Death Cab for Cutie. Deftones. Team Sleep. Filter. Goo Goo Dolls. Honor Society. Katy Perry. Kid Cudi. MCFLY. The Summer Set. Marianas Trench. Ashley Tisdale. A Rocket To The Moon. Never Shout Never. Glee. The Ready Set. Finding Clyde. The Strokes.

Movies (Bold the ones you’ve seen)

Pride and Prejudice. Glory Road. The Princess Bride. Goonies. Center Stage. Ocean’s Eleven. Seven. Newsies. 300. Robin Hood. Men In Tights. Love Actually. Garden State. Donnie Darko. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless MindMy Best Friend’s Wedding. Anchorman. Drop Dead Gorgeous. Wedding Crashers. ElfZoolander. Austin PowersClueless.Mean Girls. Hairspray. Moulin Rouge. Fight ClubRocky. Pulp Fiction. What A Girl Wants. Kill Bill. Thank You For Smoking. Little Miss Sunshine. Requiem for a Dream. The Departed. Dawn of the DeadMemento. The Lovely Bones. 17 Again. 8 Mile. Office Space. Snakes on a Plane. Boondock Saints. Say Anything.The Silence of the Lambs. Saving Private Ryan. Superbad. The Prestige. Just Friends. The Devil Wears Prada. SawAce Ventura. Under the Tuscan Sun. Titanic. Steel Magnolias. She’s the Man. Because I Said So. Catch and Release. Music and Lyrics. Spanglish. Stick It. Step Up. The Fast and the Furious.Joyride. Halloween. The Italian JobCrash. Must Love Dogs. The Last Kiss. Chicago. Harry Potter. Rush Hour. Breakfast at Tiffany’sClerks. Shooter. The Bourne Identity. Meet the Parents. Dirty Dancing. A Christmas Story. Rudy. Miss Congeniality. National Treasure.Sleepless in Seattle. The Science of Sleep. The Matrix. Good Will Hunting. Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. Empire Records. Phantom of the Opera. Lord of the Rings. ClickScarface. District 9. The Notebook. Juno.

TV Series (Bold the ones that you’ve watched more than a couple of times)

ER. Grey’s Anatomy. Saved by the Bell. Man vs. Wild. Scrubs. South Park.America’s Next Top Model. Gossip Girl. Sex and the City. Friends.Dawson’s Creek. The Big Bang Theory. Seinfeld. The Office. Lost. Miami Ink. Made. Arrested DevelopmentThat 70’s Show.  Family Guy. The Simpsons. Veronica Mars. Project RunwayBones. Iron Chef. Alias.Pushing Dasies. Gilmore Girls. The Colbert Report. The Daily Show.Mythbusters. Avatar: The Last Airbender. Will and Grace. 24. House. To Catch A Predator. Whistler. Heroes. Aqua Teen Hunger Force. 7th Heaven. Unsolved Mysteries. Everybody Loves Raymond. Boston Legal. Bleach. What I Like About You. Reba. King of QueensSurvivor. The O.CAmerican Idol. Days of Our Lives. How I Met Your Mother. Boy Meets World. Law and Order. CSI. Numbers. Reno 911. I Love New York. Step by Step. Little People Big World. What Not To Wear. My Wife and Kids. Moonlight. Supernatural. Ace of Cakes. White Collar. Nip/Tuck. The Biggest Loser. Beauty and the Geek. Battlestar Galactica. Stargate SG1. The Inferno. Scarred. Wild N Out. Real World. Trinity Blood. Dead Like Me. Whose Line is it Anyway?. Dragon Ball Z. FuturamaFirefly. Medium. Star Trek.X-Files. Cowboy BeBop. Sailor Moon. My Name is Earl. Six Feet Under. Dancing With The Stars. Degrassi. Greek. Glee. Secret Life of the American Teenager. The Hills. Laguna Beach. Vampire Diaries. Cake Boss. Jonas. Hannah Montana. Sonny With A Chance. Wizards Of Waverly PlaceDesperate Houswives.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

to the musical op. 1 no. 2

another night, another song, another string to strum.
a different note, a different theme, a different tune to hum.
a different hand, a different mind, a different heart to know.
a different face, a different voice, a different depth of low.

in sweeping lows, the tuba blows a wake up call for kings,
while high and sweet, the vi'lin weeps and gives the peasant wings.
the harpist plays, her heart displayed for everyone to see
how much her heart is in her harp's soft, haunting melody.

the bass resounds and shakes the ground until the people see
the tempting dance and sweet romance it makes and then sets free.
together, then, the bassist and guitarist play the tune
that rises high to reach the sky and makes love with the moon.

in darkest night and faintest light, with melodies unheard,
the bass, the tuba both create a base to paint with words.
guitar and harp both play the part of hiding word and voice.
the violin then starts to sing and covers every noise.

with diff'rent minds and diff'rent eyes, so many things you see.
but with an open ear you hear the hidden sound and plea
of one who wails and one who cries but hides the truth in song
for music covers everything the heart perceives as wrong.

Monday, October 4, 2010

i never did like physics

only on two occasions have i liked physics. that was when i was taking up physics3 and physics 13, and i really didn't really care for physics. i just had a crush on my teacher. haha.

anyway, present situations have given me reason for a new-found liking for physics. it has given me the best definition for PLASTICITY.

according to physics, plasticity describes the deformation of a material undergoing irreversible changes in shape in response to applied forces.

they've given me enough force to need to undergo a change in conformation. maybe not in shape, but definitely a change. an irreversible change.