what am i blabbering about?

I. Sometimes.

Sabi ni britney spears sa isang kanta niya "sometimes i run, sometimes i hide..." keme keme. yeah. i do that sometimes, too. we all do. particualrly when we were little and our favorite games to play were taguan and mataya-taya. however, we're (supposedly) past that stage and now we have new sometimes-es (pinilit ko lang itong gawing plural).

Sometimes i feel like i'm in the wrong place. i know i want to be an honest-to-goodness doctor of medicine. but sometimes it feels like i shouldn't have gone immediately. sometimes it feels like i should have worked before i studied. sometimes i want to quit. sometimes i want to hit myself in the head with my books. sometimes i want to crawl into bed and cry and just not wake up until things change. sometimes...

Sometimes, life throws you curve balls, unexpected, scary, and really fast-moving curve balls. sometimes the curves make you woozy, sometimes they psyche you up. sometimes you hit the balls with your mighty aluminum bat, sometimes the balls hit you in the head and leave you injured. and sometimes, the balls just hit your stationary bat and fall to the ground and the catcher doesn't even move. and you just stare stupidly, then run awkwardly, and stop at first base. then the game goes on.

II. Flashbacks

You know how sometimes you sit still and silent then a song plays in your head? I get that a lot, but lately it's not just one song. IT'S AN ENTIRE PLAYLIST. And, if you're weird like me, you sing along to every single song that plays in your head. It annoys the heck out of some people, while others find it amusing. I get amused at first and love it, then i start getting annoyed after a few repeats.

Recently songs from the 90's have been playing in my head. old songs from mariah carey, whitney houston, code red, britney spears, christina aguilera, ricky martin, 5ive and other such artists have been in the 90's revival playlist in my head. don't get me wrong, i love music from this era. i was a die-hard boyband fan girl in my elementary school days. it's just weird that these songs are hitting me over and over and over again, like i'm being thrown in front of a tennis ball-launcher or something. it's weird.

III. If I were

Yeah, I'm in med school. i know i want to become a damn (am i allowed to say that?) good doctor and i know i will be one. But sometimes i feel like i'm made to be something different. Here are some examples.

1. on certain days, i feel like i should be a teacher of some science subject. Biology would be a given, since that's what i finished. Histology or parasitology, probably, because i loved those two subjects.

2. sometimes i feel like studying mathematics as a career. i don't really know why.

3. being a writer has always been popping up at one time or another. i guess i've loved writing ever since i first learned how to.

4. the constant nagging voice in my head tells me to go into the Ministry as a singer. i know i'm not that good. there are so many people much better than i am, with a wider vocal range and with better sounding vibratos and voice qualities. but i guess i keep telling myself that i can be good enough as a singer if i sing for my One and Only papa God.

i really REALLY want to be a doctor. really really really. but something in my head tells me otherwise sometimes. whatever.

***

life throws me lots of curve balls. i am armed with a pretty good bat. however, stupidity attacks sometimes. you know what happens then.

life.